It’s hard to keep my cash in my pocket, when an extremely attractive and extremely naked young lady is standing in front of me, and I am staring devoutly at her smooth shaven, puffy pussy. Her smile is pure sunshine in the dark club. The temptation is strong, but I am prepared and have arrived with a plan.
I’m not a fan of crowded bars and loud music. But I am a fan of naked women, proudly displaying their feminine form. I’ve never been to Soi Cowboy, and I decided that it was time to give it a try.
This turned out to be a two night adventure. The first night was a fact finding mission. The second night would be the real thing.
I’m used to seeing two or three naked women in the privacy of my bedroom. Seeing dozens of them in a semi-public venue was a new and rewarding experience.
Reconnaissance Mission
On the first night, I went alone, as I usually do. I began by walking up and down the strip from end to end two times. On the first pass, I was accosted by countless ladies and lady boys. Some polite and some less so. In many cases, I had to sternly pry their hand from my arm as they attempted to pull me or at least my severed arm into their bar.
The first stop was Suzie Wong’s. Indoors, the environment was considerably more civilized. The mamasan politely requested a drink, and I agreed, as I was looking for information, more so than for a cuddly bunny. The music was tolerable, so we were able to hold a conversation.
The girls onstage were wearing bikinis, and a handful were topless. I had one drink and then departed, in search of something more stimulating. Across from Suzie Wong is Doll House. This club was better. About half the ladies on stage were fully nude, with the other half wearing clothing to conceal all the good bits. One girl her caught my eye with her radiant smile.
I invited her over for a lady drink, which might have cost 300 Baht or so. I told her that I was not planning to take her out, but that I would like to know the price anyway. She quoted 3500 for short time, and 700 more for the bar fine. She also recommended that I go to Crazy House, where the standard attire is nothing at all. I thanked her for the information and called it a night.
Close To The Edge
On the following evening, I invite a close Thai lady friend to accompany me. Like me, she has never been there before. With her, hand in hand, I have no more trouble with the pushy employees on the street. Unlike the first night, which was all business, this evening is going to be a night of hedonism.
Crazy House is crowded, but the mamasan finds a table for us with a good view of the raised stage. We are close enough that I can easily make eye contact with any of the dozen ladies on stage. And it seems that all of them are fully fit and fully nude. Some have visible abdominal muscles. No out of shape or bashful young ladies here.
After settling in, and having a good long look at all the ladies, I begin to get restless. Looking is free, but touching is not. I feel an urgent desire to stop with the looking and get on with the touching. A plan comes to mind.
I organize this enterprise with the assistance of the mamasan. I request that she send me every available girl in the club, one after the other. I will spend one or two minutes with each girl, and in return she will get a tip of 100 Baht. This amount is admittedly low, and I expect that the girls will reject my offer. But judging from the vast number of girls that arrive at my table, it is enough for them. Note that this is a lot cheaper than buying 25 lady drinks at 400 Baht each.
I give the mamasan a tip and buy her a drink in return for her assistance. This insures that I won’t get kicked out for being too touchy feely with the endless stream of buck naked girls that she keeps sending to my table.
My exuberance is contagious. As each new girl approaches, she observes me standing and giving one girl a full body hug. She sees another naked girl sitting on the lap of my lady friend, doing intimate girl things. Our collective eight hands are fondling everything within reach. Seeing all this activity puts each girl into a happy, friendly, “touch me more” state of mind.
Each girl in her turn receives a hug, a kiss and some fondling of all the sexy bits, both backside and front side. I open my shirt down to the belt buckle, so I can rub my tiny nipples against her oversized ones. Again, I have the mamasan acting as a full time chaperone, so that I will not unexpectedly find myself on the sidewalk.
At one point, I say to the naked girl sitting cowgirl style on my lap, “Don’t worry, I’m not shy”. She immediately responds, “I know”. This was less than one minute after we had been formally introduced. I’m impressed by her ability to immediately read the demeanor of her customer and respond appropriately.
It seems that even the nearby men are vicariously enjoying the festivities. I focus my full attention on each girl as she presents herself to me. But I occasionally notice the men looking and smiling.
Money had become irrelevant, as it does when one is having a really good time. I was running perilously low on funds, so I ask my lady friend if I can borrow a few thousand Baht from her. She most generously agrees, and scoots out to the nearby ATM to get cashed up.
Most of the ladies had opted for laser hair removal in the pubic area. The minority chose the razor. It’s not hard to tell the difference between the razor and the laser. After the razor, a small bit of stubble can still be seen and felt. After the laser, the area is sublimely smooth, as if no hair has ever dared to grow there. I check them all in turn.
Laser hair removal costs about $70 per session, and the result lasts for one or two months. A razor costs only pennies. So in some cases, the girl with the razor cut is short on money, and might quote a lower price for her services.
I eventually work my way through the entire supply of naked women. I give the helpful mamasan another small tip and call for the bill. It is not so bad, around 2800 Baht. I’d had two beers and my lady friend had only one. The remainder of the bill is for lady drinks.
We hurry back to my room, so we can release all of our accumulated sexual energy. We’d already had two hours of nonstop foreplay in the club. Once we are in the bedroom, there is no need for small talk. I immediately strip the clothes off of her, throw her on the bed and finish the job. She is happy to comply. She has no complaints. And neither do I.
Afterword
1. Getting in the door at Crazy House.
As we requested entrance, the woman at the door flashed the drink menu and said that I needed to buy two drinks before entering. Apparently they have a problem with patrons showing up, getting a good show for free, and then departing. My lady friend stepped in and assured them that we were planning to drop a few coins.
The fact that we had pulled up to the entrance in a white SUV might have helped, as opposed to arriving in a yellow taxi or on the back of a moto. Seeing this may have given them confidence that we would be paying customers, not just looky-loos. After a few words, they allowed us to enter, and did not insist that we pay for drinks at the door.
The SUV is not as expensive as you might think. The price for the pickup at Soi 33 and delivery at Soi Cowboy was only 300 Baht. This is because I have a regular private taxi driver who is available whenever I book ahead.
2. The prices for the ladies.
At Crazy House, one girl named Lemon, who spent a lot of time that evening sitting on my lap, having virtual cowgirl sex with me, quoted me a price of 4000 Baht for short time, and 700 more for the bar fine. With two lady drinks at 400 Baht each, that would bring the total to 5500 Baht. I did not go with this option. I had already made a deal with my lady friend; evening plus all night plus the next morning, all for 5000 Baht. This was a considerably better deal.
If all you really want is short time sex, then a Nuru Massage would be a much cheaper option. There is no drinking, no dancing, no music and no barfine. Just sex. At Hunny Bunny, for example, one hour with one girl, full service, costs 2200 Baht. If fact, I had been there earlier the same day, and had a satisfying experience with Kitty and Nicky.
3. Taking Pictures is a Capital Offense
One of the few remaining places on Earth that you will not find on the Internet is the inside of a Go Go bar. In comparison, videos of the inside of NORAD, the United States nuclear weapon command center, are readily available on Youtube.
If you want to see what a Go Go bar looks like, when it is full of patrons and working girls, you just have to go visit.
4. Location
Soi Cowboy is a walking street in Bangkok, off of Sukhumvit road, Soi 23. The walking street is about one hundred meters long and is lined on both sides with clubs and bars. Crazy House is not actually on walking street, but is located on Soi 23.
John Bonnaque is a regular contributor. He has written highly readable pieces on the happy monger, sexually transmitted diseases, the science of aging, an awesome threesome, the thrill of the chase, keeping it real, the readership of Rockit Reports, the future of sex, women’s enjoyment of anal sex, his personal experience at Hunny Bunny Massage in Bangkok, in praise of Asian women, and a tale of too many women.
