Review: Akane Chidlom in Bangkok, Thailand (CLOSED)

Akane massage is a reputable massage shop in Bangkok, Thailand’s crowded massage parlor scene. Akane has two branches in Bangkok, and they each operate a little differently. This review concerns the Chidlom (sometimes spelled Chit Lom) location, only steps away from the Chidlom BTS Station.

I’m not exactly sure how to categorize Akane Chidlom. It’s certainly not a soapy, but the shop does offer plenty of bath related options. One of the main things that sets it apart from the other branch on Sukhumvit Soi 33 is that it has a “scrub room” (another is the attention the staff gives to your back door, but I’ll save that for later). I suppose it could be called a “fashion massage,” as the website indicates, but that’s more of a Japanese term and there is only one course called “fashion massage” at the shop, so what about the others? Many would consider it to be an oily, but with the fun in showers that doesn’t seem totally correct. For convenience sake, I’ll just say it’s a massage parlor tailored to men and get on to the the more exact descriptions.

Akane’s Chidlom branch

Akane Chidlom is easy to find, just off of the main Sukhumvit drag. You can call ahead or book an appointment via the website, but there’s really no need to unless you want to reserve time with a staff member you’ve seen before. No matter when you show up, you will get serviced without hassle. As is usual with massage parlors like Akane, first time visitors will do better to show up and get a look at the available staff members in person as the photos posted on websites tend to be at least a little deceptive.

The staff is not the most attractive in the world, but neither is it the worst. The majority of the women working here are solidly average relative to Thailand’s vast commercial sex scene. None are anywhere near revolting and a few are quite attractive. In any case, appearance isn’t the most important thing at Akane since full sex isn’t even on the menu. What matters more is the level of service.

Rates and services

There are a few options at Akane Chidlom. When you enter, you’ll be greeted by a woman in the small lobby and shown a price sheet. This is when you will select your course. The most common selection is probably the sixty minute lotion massage, which goes for 770 Baht ($25). This is an inexpensive and pleasurable way to spend an hour, ending with a nice lubed up handjob. For 950 Baht ($31), you get an additional 10 minutes added to that massage during which you will receive a skin scrub. Those who would rather get sucked than jerked can opt for the fashion massage, which is performed in see-through lingerie and finished with a blowjob (though be aware that it’s performed with a condom, and that is non-negotiable). That “fashion massage” course runs 1110 Baht ($36) for 50 minutes, and also includes a finger up your bum in the shower (“prostate massage”) for those who want it. For 1800 Baht ($58), you receive a body scrub and “fashion massage” with blowjob ending from two masseuses together, which is a pretty good deal. There are other courses available too, which you can see for yourself on the website or in person at the shop. Like EZ Massage 1, the prices at Akane Chidlom are all inclusive.

About the digit up the poop shoot. Since I’ve already alluded to it twice, I guess I might as well “get into it.” As I said earlier, the Chidlom branch of Akane offers more than a wash down. It also seems to specialize in giving lots of attention to your anus. What this means in practice is that your buckeye will get more than the normal cursory wash in the shower session, and you will be asked at least once if you are okay with a finger going inside. Later, when the massage session progresses to the “special stage” you will probably be asked again.

I consider myself a pretty adventurous guy, especially when it comes to sexual escapades. I’m up for trying things out. With that in mind I once acquiesced a masseuse asking for permission to land on Uranus, both in the bath session and later during the massage. Despite being a kinky guy capable of getting into various scenes, I just didn’t get any pleasure whatsoever from that alien like probing. I’ve heard endless commentary on how good the digit in the dung hole can be while you’re getting your pole palmed, but for me it didn’t do anything but take my concentration away from where it should have been to the awkward feeling below the belt. I wouldn’t repeat, but at least I can say I tried it. Getting rimmed on the other hand is quite fun, and many of the women working at Akane Chidlom seem to offer that too. Those desiring that service would be wise to let them clean the backyard to their heart’s desire during the soap session.

Inside Akane

Other than the bum plumbing, the service is pretty standard. After you chose your course, you will select a service provider from the available line up. The Akane site sometimes has schedules posted, but they don’t seem to be there at all times. Better just to have a look at whose on staff when you visit. After you select your masseuse, you’ll drop your valuables in a locker and have the key placed on an elastic band around your wrist. You’ll then be taken upstairs by your masseuse to a private room where you will disrobe and get wrapped up in a towel. Then you’ll be led down more stairs into the wash room. This is divided into a few shower stalls, and it can be a bit busy. You won’t see the guys getting washed up next to you, but you may very well hear them. The masseuses sometimes chat amongst themselves too. While this can be annoying, it can also be fun. Once when I was getting my front side scrubbed up, a masseuse from a neighboring stall popped in to grab a bottle of some kind of soap. I smiled at her and she gave me a mischievous smile back before giving the old unit a couple of tugs. Hopefully she didn’t go back to the next stall and begin a face massage.

Soapy table shower

The washes take place on tables, similar to what you’d find in a Korean massage parlor in the States. You lay down on your stomach, then later flip over to have your front side washed. It’s not all that erotic, at least to me (though I may be jaded from so many similar experiences). Some attention will be paid to your twig and berries, but that’s not the main purpose here. The regular soap up is about what you’d expect. If you opt for the scrub, it’s quite a bit longer and more intense. You’re washed with a pretty abrasive wash that feels like it has grains of sand in it before getting a second soap up with a smooth soap. The scrub doesn’t feel that great in my opinion, but it does make the smooth soap up feel that much better afterward.

Once you’re finished getting soaped up and rinsed off, you’ll be dried by your masseuse and re-wrapped in your towel. Then you’ll head back up the stairs (are you beginning to sense a trend here?).

The rooms are of a decent size. They are relatively clean and offer a good amount of privacy, though you may occasionally hear other clients coming and going through the hallways if they are engaged in any kind of conversation with their masseuses. Before the massage begins you’ll be asked what kind of drink you would like. Fear not, this is included in the massage. Your masseuse will leave for a few moments and then return with your drink and her tools of the trade. You’ll take off your towel and spread out face down on the massage table.

Service level

The back massage is acceptable but nothing to write home about. That shouldn’t worry you too much, since few are at Akane for serious spine work. After the back is done you’ll be asked to turn over so the real fun can start. The special services are good enough to get the job done. I haven’t seen anything out of this world, but you should get what you came for. If you tend to last long, you may get one of those annoying inquires about how much longer you will take to finish. Now matter how politely they are worded, they are a real buzz kill. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem to come with everyone on staff. The service is definitely to get even the most stubborn of guys to the plateau so there should be no worries on that end.

Once you’ve achieved nirvana you’ll be cleaned up and given a bit more massage. The staff seems to be pretty relaxed on the time. I haven’t seen any clock watchers, and that’s always a good thing. Before the session comes to a close, you’ll be wrapped once again in a towel and taken to a small stand-up shower room (though thankfully this is on the same floor as the private rooms) where you will be rinsed off a final time. Then it’s back to the room to get your clothes back on and down to the lobby where you can pick up your valuables and settle your tab.

Summary

As a decent massage parlor in Bangkok that offers a standard service with an average staff, I give Akane Childom two-and-a-half stars. As always, I am taking location into consideration. With so many options around Bangkok, I can’t justify going any higher in my scoring. If Akane was in some place like Iowa, who knows what I would give it? Maybe even four stars, considering that the service would be so unique in that sexual desert. In reality, it’s located along a road that leads to hundreds of different options and thus deserves the score it has received.

I should note that today marks the one year anniversary of this website. My how time flies. I hope readers have enjoyed how it has developed so far. I know I have. There is much more to look forward to in the future.

Note: The Akane Chidlom branch has closed. A new business has taken over its previous location. The Akane shop on Soi 33 remains open.