Interview with an erotic massage parlor patron

In the course of reporting on the commercial industry around the world for over ten years I have come in contact with numerous players. Whenever possible I have turned those contacts into interviews with people involved in sex work.

In the past I have interviewed masseuses, brothel employees, brothel managers, professional blowjob providers and more. Yet it occurs to me that I have never interviewed an actual patron of erotic massage parlors.

So when the subject of this interview reached out to me with the idea of doing just such a thing, I jumped at the opportunity.

While every massage parlor patron comes with their own histories and outlooks, I do find it interesting to see what one individual regular has to say about things. I trust that you will too.

Below I present the results of my recent question and answer session with an erotic massage parlor patron from the United States. It has been lightly edited for readability. Though the broad strokes remain in place.

How old are you and where are you from?

I am 40 years old. I’m a well-traveled Mid-Western guy currently living in the Pacific Northwest, USA.

Are you religious?

Not in the least. My parents were both Catholic, though under duress. It was never pushed upon me, for better or worse.

What is your oldest sexual memory?

I’ve been very hyper-sexual as long as I can remember.

How would you describe your libido?

“Perverted” honestly. Spending 6 years in Asia as a handsome, charming, well-hung Westerner gave me quite a complex that eventually became compulsive. Living back in the states now, such access and utopia isn’t readily available. So I take to pornography, masturbation and the occasional “anonymous gay encounter” to get my kicks.

It’s compulsive, for sure, and I think my relationship to the erotic and taboo have done some notable damage to my relationship to true intimacy.

How often do you think about sex?

Maybe thirty percent of all waking hours. Attractive women don’t escape my sight without being sexualized. Idle time often slides into fantasy. Within the mundane that the world has to offer, I find myself churning it into my perverted mind more often than not.

How do you do with women generally speaking?

Through my 20’s, I was a charming, attractive man who slept with many lovely women. My 30’s were mostly spent in Asia, where sex became a sport, then a commodity, then a compulsion. Quantity, frequency and novelty became my driving forces. Now, even when I do find myself engaging in flirtation with sexual tension and potential, I’ve all but lost my sense of how and when to pull the trigger. I currently have two regular sexual partners, and both are based in fantasy play/roleplay/kink play. It feels like a long time since I’ve had organic, emotionally connected sex.

What was your first paid sexual experience? How did it go?

Taiwan, 2014. A secret gem of the underground I’d considered and teased many times, but never had the courage to follow through on. Each time I’d contact them, I’d get a little bit closer. Then one day with a thick enough hard on, a deep enough wallet and a drunk enough mindset, I went for it.

She was tiny. I felt like I could wrap my hands around her waist. Very cute, 19 years old. She did not, however, seem “into it”. This was early enough in my “career” to not know one type of experience from another, so I didn’t give it much thought. “This is how it goes”, I thought. But by the time it was over, I truly felt I’d taken advantage of someone. Taken advantage of a privilege and an economy. That didn’t feel great, but I got over that fast. Because it felt amazing.

What made you try paying for sexual services the first time?

The taboo of it. The idea that there didn’t have to be any courting period, any seduction, any chance of failure. I could buy all of that and get straight to what I wanted. And I could customize my experience: two girls? Busty? Curvy kinky MILF? Choose your own adventure!

How often do you pay for sexual services?

Now? Never. When I lived in Asia? One to four times a week, for years.

Do you prefer massage parlors, escorts or some other outlet to find paid sex services?

Each has their appeal. Massage parlors had that fun dance of “Will she or won’t she”? But my first time walking a known “hooker street”, slinking past a dark open door and having a sexy girl invite me in was magical! She was sexy, caring and loving. This would prove to be the exception rather than the norm.

Do you normally use condoms with sex workers?

For the first year never. And I was lucky enough to avoid anything permanent. A few positive test results and a few rounds of penicillin and I was right as rain. But after a while, I decided to be safe, especially since I was also doing quite well outside of the pay-for-play realm. It was the right thing to do. And to this day, I’m clean as a whistle.

So you’ve had bareback intercourse with a sex worker?

Many, many times. Not a smart move. But god damn, does it feel good! Whether a Tinder match, a girl from the club, a mother or a total stranger, I would always think “Well, if she says it’s okay to go bareback, it must be!” I learned that that’s the exact opposite of the truth. So… I learned.

Would you say a sex worker is any more exploited than say a hair dresser?

Yes. Sex is a unique thing, and those with the power and means to exploit a woman’s body will do so far easier than they can exploit her ability to cut hair. Sex sells itself, but the potential to force somebody into it and exploit their body and safety and life is prevalent enough that it is unlike any other trade. Escaping the hairdressing game is infinity easier than escaping the sex trade. But I would still engage. I’m that drawn to it.

Do any of your family members or friends know that you have paid for sex?

I’ve told my brother the very tip of the iceberg. No one else in my family knows. A few of my friends have some idea. Others a bit more. But nobody knows the full extent.

How often do you watch porn?

Daily. When I try to quit, I can manage a week. But if I’m letting myself go wild… daily. Multiple times, even.

What kind of porn do you like most?

Amateur, Asian, cum play, public, busty, petite, huge cocks, deepthroat, caught.

What do you think about the idea of sex addiction?

It has the reputation of being “cool”, but like any addiction it can eat you up. Logic can’t erase it. Love can’t erase it. It’s a real problem for people, but doesn’t get the care it should. Same for porn addiction, though there’s no world where that’s viewed as “cool”.

What about any other issues related to visiting with sex workers?

I’ve been shook down a few times. Robbed, mugged, otherwise over-charged. I’ve been sent girls who were not what I expected. I’ve also probably hurt girls physically due to the girth of my penis and otherwise added to the emotionally damaging lifestyle they live.

What was the best experience you ever had with a sex worker?

I really really liked having sex with prostitutes who would gush over the size of my penis. On more than one occasion, they would bring other girls in just to gawk at it. Even take pictures! Perhaps they just knew how to stroke a guy’s ego. But I choose to believe it was genuine, it was beautiful and it was something they’ll remember.

Do you think prostitution should be legalized?

Yes. And while I think it will lead to very messy moral conundrums, I’m a full-on believer in body autonomy.

Thank you very much for agreeing to do this interview. Is there anything else you’d like to say to the readers here?

Like with many things we do – our diet, our spending, our voting – if you want to engage, educate yourself. Pursue it mindfully. If done with some intention, it can be a beautiful thing for all parties involved.