Review: Jill’s Gentlemen’s Club — Triadelphia, WV
I don’t put much stock in any of the stuff about “sex addiction” that has been gaining prominence in the last few years. It seems to me it’s little more than a way for society to condemn people who want to fuck when they “should be” instead at home with their wives eating meatloaf or putting in another 10 hours of overtime at the office. But since I can’t seem to pass up any sexual service related shop without at least stopping in for a look maybe I should reconsider.
It was this roaming boner curiosity that pulled me into Jill’s Gentlemen’s Club on Dallas Pike near Wheeling, West Virginia.
First things first, the proprietors of this place deserve to be called out on the name they gave it. There weren’t any “gentlemen” anywhere near this place, myself included. They deserve further criticism for what has to be the most invasive and objectionable entrance policy I have ever seen anywhere in the world: not only must each customer, regardless of age, show ID to enter, their name, address and ID number are all recorded by the front clerk by hand into a cheap lined notebook. What more can one say than “What the fuck?” If that isn’t enough to turn you off to the place, and it probably should be, read on.
I won’t blame them too much for the lack of decor or the quality of the staff. I have to remember where the place is located when taking those kinds of things into consideration. Those who have never been to a strip club in West Virginia may be surprised at what they find. As one blogger put it:
There are few places as desperate and lonely as a West Virginia strip club.
That said, Jill’s probably is better than some of the others in the state, but that’s not saying much. The place is small, dark and dreary. The music sucks. The place gets crowded with only a few visitors. Some of the seats have next to no view of the stage. The wait staff is slower than slow. When I tried to sit at the tiny stage in one of the few cheap chairs they have set up, I was angrily informed by a short fat woman that I was in “her man’s” seat despite seeing it sit empty for at least 30 minutes. When I suggested that I sit there long enough to tip, she suggested that he would throw me out of the chair when he returned. Who doesn’t go to a strip club looking to spar with other guys? Good times all around.
Since the few seats around the stage are usually full, customers tip by waiting at the weird step at the end of the stage, looking like an asshole while the dancers takes her time working their way around. When she finally shows up and flexes her thigh one or two times, the guy will hand her a dollar bill. How sensual!
The few girls I saw working here during my visit were good enough to look at after several hours on the highway, but nothing special by any means. The rotation was very slow, probably to stretch out the lack of staff. Their obvious lack of any kind of enthusiasm combined with the decrepit and unwelcoming atmosphere and strange layout combines to make the place one of the worst strip clubs I have ever been to in all of my years. That even includes the tiny dive strip clubs (or “night clubs” as they call them) I visited in the Dominican Republic where none of the girls actually stripped. At least the women who worked those places were young, attractive and warm (not to mention that you could take them out to fuck, for free even if your game was good enough).
I never got around to getting a lap dance (which they call “couch dances”) here. The girl I wanted to get one from spent 45 of the 60 minutes I was in the club on stage or in the back somewhere. I doubt it would have been great anyway. I at least got the rate from one of the waitresses when I finally got her to stop for 3 or 4 seconds to take my order and answer a question. It’s a standard $20 per song.
I usually try to give a place the benefit of the doubt. You won’t find many rock bottom ratings on this site. I realize people are trying to make a living. But this place was just the worst. If this is what adult entertainment looks like, we might as well take up horseshoes instead and a save some dough.
In my view, Jill’s Gentlemen’s Club has only one redeeming value: its location in the middle of nowhere. They seem to feed off of their relative isolation and their position on the side of an interstate highway. But if you’re that hard up to see some tits, I’d advise you to keep on trucking. One of the better strip clubs I’ve ever been to (the Filly Corral) isn’t that far away, and there are plenty of Asian massage parlors nearby in Ohio and Pennsylvania that would give you a lot more bang for the buck.
I give Jill’s a soft floppy 1. It probably deserves a half of a star, but I’ll give them a little bit of a bump since the bathroom was cleaner than I expected. When I finally got after waiting in line in I was happy to be able to piss in the toilet rather than being forced to whiz in the sink.
Jill’s Gentlemen’s Club, 411 West Alexander Rd., Triadelphia, West Virginia 26059. Open seven days a week 7 PM – 2 AM. Website: http://www.jillsaclassact.com