The holiday season is here. While all the little ones draw up their wish lists for Santa’s impending visit, I figured I’d draw one up of my own. The following are sex shops I’d like to see brought into existence. I admit that a lot of these are just modifications of shops that are already around, but I think they represent major improvements nonetheless.
Front and Back Bars
These would operate a lot like blowjob bars with the exception that the oral action would only be a prelude to the real fun. After getting the customer up and ready, the service providers at these shops would then slide a condom over the shaft with their lips, lube up, turn around, and sit down on the waiting member. Sounds like nothing more than getting a little extra mile at a BJ bar you say? Wrong. The name of the game here would be backdoor bumping. That’s right, straight from the pie hole to the brown eye. I don’t think public activities would be very fitting for this kind of shop, so the events would have to transpire in booths like they do at some of the pickle polishing pubs that host the action upstairs. Some sort of facilities for washing up would be required.
Strip and Suck Shows
These shops would work a lot like New Hot Point in Tokyo and similar peep shows with extras. The difference here would be that customers could get sucked or jerked off by service providers while watching the show, rather then waiting for it to finish. This would have the added benefit of giving some of the less attractive women in the BJ bar market more productive work. Surely they could pull in (and pull off) more customers if there was some top notch eye candy jiggling around on stage. I think anyone would agree that this would beat staring at a stained ceiling covered in old spider webs and various unidentifiable substances while getting blown. It would also allow for some more attractive women to work who are up for dancing nude but not providing extras. It would be a win for everyone!
Ball Barber
Yes, I know there are “spas” where you can get your body hair ripped out at the roots for an exorbitant amount of money. As with pubic hair removal in general I’m not very interested in those places, especially after this terrible experience. Unless I find a spa that operates like this, there’s a very good chance I’ll never step foot in any of them (and even if I do find one like that, I probably still won’t). So what am I talking about here? I’m talking about a place where a guy could go, drop his drawers, kick his feet up on something and lay back while an attendant grooms his undercarriage. That would be finished by a lubed up handie and then a shampoo and rinse in a waist-high sink. Sounds great right? There are rumored to be two beauty salons around Sukhumvit in Bangkok that will trim your bush for a fee but alas I’ve never found them. If the shop of my dreams cannot become a reality, I’d be satisfied enough with the Macau saunas adding pube pruning to their list of services. Why not? They offer everything from ear cleaning to cock and ball massages as it stands.
Rubber Rooms
I’m not talking about insane asylums, though at least some of the punters I’ve encountered in my travels could probably benefit from those. Here I’m talking about show rooms selling all types of condoms available, from all over the world. In other words a sort of rain hat emporium. The special feature here would be booths where customers could try different varieties of rubbers out to see which one they liked best. They’d be assisted in their shopping by female attendants who would help them find the proper prophylactics for their peckers. These ladies would make money from sales commissions and tips. The owners would make money from room fees and sales. Sounds amazing, am I right?
Pro-Teen Agogo
This would be a lot like the other go go bars out there except that the staff would be made up entirely of 19 year old women. Imagine that. Sure they’d only have one year to work but they could make a lot more money then they might mixed in with everyone else in the other bars, and they could simply move on to other locations after they age out of the system. The only problem I see with this model is fitting all the customers inside the place. A sure winner.
And there you have it. Do your wishes match with any of mine? If so there sadly isn’t much we can do about it. The trend seems to be for more condensed and conservative shops around the world, with the exception of Japan which takes perverted inventiveness to new heights each and every time a modification needs to be made to tap into a new market or get around a regulation or crackdown.
Maybe if a few of my readers are sitting on stacks of money they’d like to invest in the sex shops of the future we could make at least one of these a reality. Don’t worry, I won’t hold my breath.
Thankfully a lot of really fun stuff does exist. I’ll continue reporting on it here. Watch this space.
What you’ve described in “2. Strip and Suck Shows” existed at New York City 42nd Street peep shows and adult bookstores back in the late 1970s…probably long before you were born. Six or so private booths encircled a small center stage. Customers dropped tokens into a slot that raised a 2-foot square panel revealing an opening between the booth and a stage on which several girls performed. The opening was sufficiently large and positioned to give the girl and the customer easy access to each other. For a few dollars worth of tokens and $50, customers could receive anything and everything imaginable…but you had to be quick. One token kept the panel open for only a few minutes. The fun and games ended with the AIDS scare and Rudy Giuliani’s crackdown on sex businesses in the Big Apple.
Hi Matt. Maybe I’m so young at heart that it gives false appearances. The peep shows you describe aren’t exactly what I have in mind. I’m talking about a strip show with one or more ladies on stage with another lady between each customer’s legs. It would be something like New Hot Point in Tokyo (which I’ve reviewed on the site) but with simultaneous oral and on stage action. There are still some booths around, in New York and elsewhere. Out in the Northwest you can even find booths where extra activities are pretty standard practice. In my opinion, it’s not worth the money considering what you get. Thanks for the comment. Cheers!
Baby Doll agogo off of Walking St is well known for blowing on the sofas while the girls are dancing. You get a sample for a ladies drink and can finish if you tip. Private Dancer is another such gogo. I know it is true because I have had first hand experience. [it quickly gets expensive though and a bj bar is far better value]. A specialised deep throat bj bar would be a nice idea.
Good suggestions. I’m familiar with both but it’s been awhile since I’ve been inside either. I usually forgo Walking Street altogether these days, though I may have to venture back soon. A deep throat bar would be absolutely amazing but I could foresee a few problems. One is that it’d be tough to find the talent. Two is that the staff members would be married up quickly. Three is that I’d spend all my money there and end up sleeping on Beach Road.
LOL me too!
We’d be better off going into business together and opening the shop ourselves, with daily skills testing sessions for the ownership partners being part of the process. So, when will we get “Down the Hatch” off the ground?
Here is my Christmas wish then. It would be rather expensive to set up, but anyway, my idea would be to get hold of a decomissioned Boeing 747 and refit it into a BJ bar. On the lower deck would be lady drinks with the stewardesses and on the upper deck would the first class BJ lounge. The stewardesses would have authentic outfits from the recognised airlines. Maybe, for a little extra twist, you could have the two [female] pilots who are expert deepthroaters. When you have been milked, you exit down the emergency slide with a big grin on your face.
Great! I think you deserve it for coming up with such an elaborate and entertaining idea. I don’t know if that would fly with the authorities though.
I’d do a barber shop with a different spin. It would offer all the services of the Ball Barber you described, but be more of a standard barber shop you can get your hair cut as well.
The difference is you can get your pecker serviced at the same time you’re getting a haircut by a different lady. When you’re ready to bust, you can spray it over both of them or just one for different rates.
You can also get your haircut by one lady, she will wear your choice of costume and get you all worked up while she’s doing the cutting…then after that it will be your turn to do some work on her.
Finally, there’s the VIP…having a few girls massage your arms and legs, while one massages or saddles up on your middle leg and the last one cuts your hair. It will end with a full shower (to get rid of both your hair clippings and penis drippings) and yet another ball buster, along with some facial grooming and hair styling.
I missed this comment when you first posted it. Thanks for adding on. This almost sounds like going out all at a Macau sauna while throwing in some hair styling. Cheers!