Review: My House in Pattaya, Thailand

My House is one of the many massage parlors on Soi Bukhao in Pattaya. This road is filled with similar places. Most people probably don’t even pay attention to the various shops as they pass. But my eye is trained to look for such facilities. When I find them, I cover them here.

Rockit Reports has been online since 2012. The site has maintained a regular publishing schedule throughout that time. Since the site launched not a week has gone by without the publication of at least one report, review or other post. Many times several posts were made per week.

In spite of that there still exists a long and ever growing list of places and people to write about here. One of the most difficult things of running this site is deciding what to publish and when. The main goal is to balance the information and cover the widest variety of locations possible. At the same time information that is time sensitive has to have priority. News is obviously time sensitive but reports can be too. At least one place went out of business before I even had a chance to publish a review of it.

The city of Pattaya is lined from one end to another with sex shops of various kinds. Massage parlors are even more plentiful with practically every street in town having at least a few. Most of the massage parlors are actually in business to do massages though many of the women who work in even the most innocent looking places are happy to give a guy a happy ending for a decent tip.

Trying to cover all of the sex shops in Pattaya alone would be quite a task. In fact it would probably require a dedicated website and many weeks of work. Trying to cover the more plentiful massage parlors would be even more difficult and probably even pointless since so many of them change from one day to the next.

Still I do find time to review massage parlors in Pattaya when I think it is worth the time and effort involved. I have done it once before with a review of Blue Massage near the beach. Today I’ll review My House Massage on Soi Buakhao across the street from the Sawasdee Siam Hotel.

Two things make My House stand out from the many other massage parlors located on both sides of the same street. One is the bright pink polo shirt uniforms the women wear. The other is how fit and good looking most of the women wearing the aforementioned polo shirts are.

At any given time there are between three and five women on staff. Most are in their early twenties. There may be one or two who are older. Almost all of the women working at My House Massage look as good or better than the average go go dancer on nearby LK Metro.

The women who work at My House spend most of their time sitting out in front of the shop where they do their best to beckon customers in off the street. At least that’s what they do when not distracted by their phones though the mobile devices quickly disappear when a customer walks over and selects one of the available women for a rub down.

Massages go for fairly regular rates at My House with a one hour session costing 400 Baht ($11 USD). This is payable after the act as is the norm all across the country.

The My House shop itself is nothing special. It looks like most other Thai massage parlors up front with a glass exterior and rows of seats inside the first room. Upstairs things are a little different. The dimly lit private rooms are painted red and resemble what I imagine the inside of a Thai prison cell might look like. They are fitted with red massage tables and round showers placed strategically in the corner.

The showers supply a weak supply of cold water that is used by the masseuses to clean their clients before or after massages. While this is typical for places like My House it is still not something most visitors from developed countries would enjoy.

Massages given in the private rooms at My House seem to range from short and perfunctory to nonexistent. The women who work the place seem to be keyed in to the fact that most guys who are tempted to enter probably aren’t all that concerned about getting their shoulders worked.

In other words the massueses at My House Massage are quick to offer extras to clients who seem to be looking for them. Happy endings by hand and mouth are the most common services on the menu though the women seem to work mainly with inexperienced clients as they can start with price quotes as high as 1500 Baht ($42 USD) for a blow. This is more than twice as much as local blowjob bars charge for the same service. Full service may be available in select cases though the price would likely be even higher.

Most of the women seem likely to agree to lower and more normal rates for special services though the amount of haggling required would likely be a turn off to a lot of guys. I imagine that some men just give up and take whatever price is given while they’re oiled up and spread out on the bright red massage table. If not the women most likely wouldn’t ask for such relatively high amounts.

Special services themselves are not much better than the aforementioned massages. Quick and mechanical is the name of the game. The women are good looking but not necessarily good at what they do. The effort is clearly at a minimum in nearly all areas.

My House is a strange place. The women are a little over dressed and fitted out with things like makeup and short shorts for the average female tourist to wander in for a foot massage. At the same time it is not an explicit sex massage shop like the nearby Honey.

I don’t think that My House Massage is a rip off joint either. It’s more likely that the women working there are simply taking advantage of an opportunity to get a good amount of money out of horny guys who don’t have a problem with shelling out fifty bucks for a minute long oil massage and happy ending from an attractive lady. If the market can take it the place will remain. If not it will close its doors as so many similar places have in the past.

Taking it all into consideration I think the place deserves no more than a single star. many of the women who work the place are hot but there’s too much competition in Pattaya willing to outdo them often for much less money.

My House Massage. Soi Bukhao, Pattaya, Thailand. Open every day 10:00 AM until 12:00 AM.