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Review: Kochoran in Bangkok, Thailand (CLOSED)

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Kochoran is a massage shop located on Soi 33 in Bangkok that offers table showers and body scrubs with happy ending conclusions. It’s not exactly hidden but it’s easy to see how someone could miss it, especially with the much more prominent Akane, Dream Heaven and Love Teen massage shops located only a few steps away.

Kochoran was originally recommended to me some time ago by a very old hand. He had been around Bangkok for quite sometime and suggested the place for a “Japanese style” massage and body scrub that was tough to find elsewhere. It would be some time before I tried the place out as the other shops in the area tended to draw my attention when visiting Soi Japan.

kochoran massage woman

The first time I heard the name “Kochoran” it reminded me a lot of Corcoran Prison in the United States. After starting my first session I realized that my first impression wasn’t all that far off. Keep reading to find out why.

Kochoran has two entrances. The main entrance is elevated above the street in a sort of shopping center than houses a few massage parlors and little else. The secondary entrance is on the street level, through a little door. Once in that door, customers have to pass an active kitchen staffed by an old Thai lady and climb a mountain of steps. Obviously the main entrance is preferable then even if it isn’t entirely visible from the street.

The lobby of Kochoran is of an okay size but it’s pretty crowded. Various kinds of furniture and signs compete with a heard of cats that like to climb on anything. The guy manning the front desk is Thai but he seems to be fluent in Japanese with a basic grasp of English.

New customers are shown a list of services that could rival a holy book in length and complication. Obviously I’m exaggerating the point but the amount of different services available here truly astounds. The prices of these services range from a very reasonable 700 Baht ($21 USD) to a more standard 1400 Baht.

One would be forgiven to expect that these prices would only go to the house thus requiring an extra tip to the masseuse for her services. At any oily that charged only 500 Baht one would normally pay extra for additional services beyond a rudimentary massage. Thankfully, and in keeping with both Thai and Japanese practices, tipping is not soliciting or expected at Kochoran. The fee paid to the house up front is the total fee and that’s it. Full service is not available however as hand release is the name of the game.

After one selects a service they will be shown a book of photographs. A line up of the available women on staff may be possible but it certainly isn’t suggested and doesn’t seem to be the norm. The photos all seem to have undergone a few rounds with photoshop but that is pretty normal for massage parlors in Thailand. To the credit of Kochoran the front desk staff is quite open to any questions and will let the customer know up front who is and isn’t working. That goes some way in eliminating disappointment before it can occur.

Food and drinks are also available at Kochoran but I have no comment on those. I’m not one to have a sandwich at a rather dreary happy ending massage parlor. Then again what do I know? Maybe they are delicious.

kochoran massage bangkok lady

After one books their session and masseuse they simply kick back and wait a few moment for their provider to arrive. The staff at Kochoran seems to be generally on the lighter skinned and smaller side of the spectrum. They also seem to average at around age 30, which could be a turn off for a lot of guys in a city where action with tight 19 and 20 year olds is pretty easily available. A few younger and very nice looking women appear in the books and on the website of Kochoran but I don’t know if they are actually available.

The good thing about the providers is that they seem to have maintained their looks fairly well considering their age and their trade. Imagine how you would look if you spent most days in a windowless massage parlor scrubbing asses and wanking wieners. At the very least it wouldn’t be any better than you look now.

The bad thing about the providers is their attitudes, at least in my experience. There’s little in the way of a welcoming vibe but that too could be explained by the nature of the place. I don’t know how cheery I’d be in a similar situation. Then again, there’s a lot of cheer at other massage parlors, go gos and various adult entertainment facilities in Thailand. Maybe something is just in the water here. One thing is for sure. The bathing-suit like costumes and hair nets they wear don’t make things look any warmer or more sexy.

While the entrance of Kochoran is a bit crowded and cat-filled the rest of the place could properly be described as “degraded.” It’s dark and dimly lit, the floors and ceilings look like they haven’t been cleaned in ages if ever, and the moderately-sized massage rooms are more like cubicles since their walls don’t even go all the way to the ceiling.

The wash room isn’t much better. The tables look like they’ve been around for years, they’re covered with a cheap looking and worn-down plastic and the walls and drains are even a bit grimy. To be sure it wasn’t at the point to drive me out of the place instantly but it didn’t fill me with a lot of good feelings either.

Another thing that didn’t fill me with good feelings was the body scrub. Actually it filled me with bad feelings. The provider did a good enough (if mechanical) job washing me from head to toe, but on the flip she came frighteningly close to the head of my unit more than a few times with the abrasive scrub pad she was whipping around with a lot of speed and force. My skin was tough enough to the withstand the scrub but I don’t know that my delicate bits are and frankly I don’t ever want to find out. My service provider seemed to sense my anxiousness and responded by rearranging my parts to avoid any chance of harm but the thought remained in my head until it was time to hose off.

I would think that any germaphobes who were able to make it through grim looking halls and on to the well-used table shower would totally give up and run out of the place screaming when the scrub pads came out. Donned on each hand of the service provider these pads look like they may have seen a lot of previous use. I can’t be totally sure but in no way does it look like they break out a new pair for each customer. Looking at the price point I can easily guess why. Buyer beware.

After the thorough scrub the service provider dries the customer and brings him back to his massage room. There the mood seems to perk up a bit. Chatting and even some playfulness and joking around seems to be the norm. I know this from my own experience and the experience of others stationed nearby. With the short walls I could very clearly hear every bit of what was going on around me.

After the average massage comes the flip and that’s when the real fun finally kicks in. One of the negative aspects of writing for this site is that considerations of reviews and scores now occasionally pop into my head when I should be otherwise relaxing and enjoying the services I’m receiving. I can only hope that readers will appreciate all of the “hard work” I put in taking such difficult hits for the team.

In all seriousness I was thinking how low the experience at Kochoran ranked for me during all of the lead up. In my head I had already given the place a half-star rating. Those thoughts disappeared when the soft touch session began. That’s not to say it was out of this world or spectacular but it was clear that the provider aimed to please and that her down disposition was probably more due to something like working conditions or personal issues than anything else. She actually cheered up quite a bit near the end and began to joke around. The guy next to me seemed to have scored a bubbly babe from the beginning though I couldn’t make out everything since the dialogue was in broken Japanese and I was doing my best to mind my own business.

As an economical choice with a reliable level of service Kochoran certainly has it’s place. I probably wouldn’t return but I can imagine others would find the shop to their liking. They seem to have a group of regular customers and they even offer a membership card with discounts. In my opinion Kochoran deserves two-and-half stars and nothing more. It’s average at best but the prices are quite reasonable.

NOTE: Kochoran has closed.

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