When you’ve had sexual experiences with as many women as I have, and spent so much time thinking about and pursuing such things when you’re not actively participating in them, you learn quite a bit about what works and what doesn’t. While a lot of products exist simply so that someone can make a buck, there are actually specific uses for different kinds of adult lubrication. Some work a lot better than others for different things. Here’s a list of my findings in regards to the best lube.
Male masturbation: Boy Butter
I’m going to start out with jacking off because if you’re viewing this site there’s a good chance it won’t be long before you are beating your meat (if you’re not already reading with a handful of man-ham). After years of smacking the snake around, I can tell you this: Boy Butter is quite simply the greatest lubrication in existence for the task at hand.
Boy Butter was created by a guy in the United States named Eyal Feldman who wasn’t happy with what was available. According to the story, he spent a lot of time and energy developing the perfect recipe. And while I’m pretty sure he was trying to concoct the right cream for cramming cock up crappers (the stuff is clearly marketed towards gay guys, though certainly not exclusively), what he came up with was the finest material anywhere for guys who want to fuck their fists.
The stuff has a great, smooth consistency and lasts quite a long time. It really let’s you set the tempo when you’re tugging your tree trunk. I’ve come across a few complaints online from people who say it is messy or stains, but I’ve experienced neither of these problems. On what must now be my 50th or 60th tub, I’ve never so much as dropped a spec of it outside of the container nor had anything stained. In fact, it washes off with water alone.
Boy Butter is made of coconut oil and an organic silicone whipped together into something that resembles a soft, nice smelling, butter-like product. It’s oil-based, so you can’t use it safely with condoms. To get around that, Boy Butter came up with a water-based lube (called Boy Butter H20: “I can’t believe it’s not boy butter”) though I’m a not big fan of that whatsoever. I’m also not a real big fan of the squeeze bottle version of the original formula.
Do yourself a favor and get yourself a 16 ounce tub of the stuff (or more, you can get a 2 pack from Amazon for around $20 with free shipping) and slide your salami around with it a bit. I promise you won’t be disappointed.
This is way better than the over-hyped “Gun Oil” products out there that in my experience aren’t that great at all. And if you want to talk about a mess, that stuff gets everywhere.
Female masturbation: Astroglide liquid
Women have the advantage of being able to create their own natural lubrication. But there are times when that either isn’t enough or isn’t possible. When a woman wants to bang herself out with a big dildo or have a partner finger fuck her, her best option is to reach for some lube. The best stuff commercially available* is the liquid lubrication produced by Astroglide in the purple package.
This water-based lube is slick and long lasting, and combines with existing lubrication to produce the perfect wetness.
And while some other lubes can through off a woman’s pH balance and cause unpleasant results, use of this stuff doesn’t seem to lead to any of those sorts of problems in most cases.
Astroglide liquid lube is pretty inexpensive and a little bottle lasts a long time.
* Following in a close second is natural grape seed oil. It’s not as easy to find but works nearly as well and will cause no pH problems whatsoever.
Vaginal intercourse: Astroglide liquid and/or gel
For all the reasons listed above, Astroglide is also the best lube to use for good old dick in the dugout fucking. The liquid stuff works well here, but the gel is also a good bet. If you have a chance, try to mix both the liquid and the gel (perhaps by applying the gel to the boner and the the liquid to the snatch) for the absolute best results available.
The liquid and gel lubes available from industry standby KY also work well for penis-in-pussy pumping, but stay away from all their weird variations of flavors, heating or whatever else they come up with. Not only do these products never live up to the hype, they don’t even work for the original purpose.
Male sex toys: Wet Platinum or Japanese cum lube
When it comes to male sex toys, lube is an important consideration. Using the wrong stuff can damage your toy or even your unit (no one wants friction burns!). The best pocket pussy in the world is nothing more than a pencil eraser without the right lube.
The best stuff for fake hole fucking that’s freely available in the United States is Wet Platinum which you can buy at almost any pharmacy. It serves as a great lube and lasts long. My only problem with it is the container. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to keep the outside clean and dry. The stuff is so stringy that when it comes out at least some of it gets on the bottle. That’s a small sacrifice for the pleasure it provides though.
The best lube available anywhere are the fake-cum lubes created by various Japanese manufacturers. Home to both the leading manufacturers and number of users of male sex toys in the world, Japan is on another level. The fake cum lubrication is aimed at guys who have a cum fetish or want to fantasize about creampies, bukkakes or something similar either alone or with a partner. Bukkake Lotion is the best. Its slimely texture and durability makes it the greatest lube there is for plastic pussies of all types. The only problem is that the stuff isn’t so easy to get. If you want to pick some up outside of Japan, you’ll need to order from a website like Kanojo Toys. Don’t worry, it doesn’t smell like jizz. It doesn’t really feel like it either. It’s just white and wet.
Massage and wet play with women: Grapeseed oil
When you want to oil up a nice pair of hooters or some ass or pussy for the look and feel it gives you (and who doesn’t) look no further than the aforementioned grapeseed oil. All natural and organic, it’s not the easiest thing to find in the world but if you spend a little time looking you’ll locate a place that has it in no time. It’s worth it.
Anal sex: Boy Butter Extreme
For butt fucking, Boy Butter Extreme cannot be beat. This product differs from the original Boy Butter formula (which also works well for heading up the Hershey Highway) in that it contains the numbing agent benzocaine at the highest level allowed by law without a prescription.
While I’ve never been big on desensitizing creams over the years (easy for me to say as the giver not the taker) this stuff works wonders, especially for those just getting into plugging the poopshoot. It helps ease the situation without taking too much away from it. By helping the muscles in the anus to relax it will actually lead to a lot more pleasure for all involved.
And like the original formula, it cleans up easily with water. What’s not to love?
Boy Butter Extreme (sometimes sold as “Boy Butter Desensitizing”) isn’t available everywhere, but it’s not too tough to find. Spend a little time looking around online and you’ll get a hold of a tub of it before you can say “balls deep in a butt hole.”
In a pinch, you can get away with using the gels from Astroglide or KY but these aren’t the best. They’ll get it in, but they frankly don’t last long enough. I’m pretty sure they were developed for easy in, easy out medical applications, not sustained fucking.
So there you have it, my list of the best lubes. What do you think?