Review: Club Kunoichi — Tokyo, Japan
There are so many stories floating around about guys getting into bad experiences when trying to purchase sex that the subject has almost become a running narrative akin to warning people against dropping the soap. Mainstream comedians even joke about getting into bad situations with sex workers but the guys who get ripped off probably don’t find it so funny.
While punters of all kind can get taken it seems that a lot of problems occur for guys who get drunk and follow strangers. Many accounts of people getting swindled by bars in Kabukicho, Prague and Patpong involve drunk foreigners following street touts into unknown places.
Experience tells me that those who keep stay alert and keep their wits about them usually avoid problems but any adventure in the adult entertainment industry does have at least some potential to end poorly. Obviously this is a real problem that exists and probably will continue unless prostitution is decriminalized.
Tokyo is one of the largest cities on earth but also one of the safest. While some locals say they are afraid of visiting places like the aforementioned Kabukicho at night it is all relative. The same can be said of Singaporeans who fear Geylang. Those who go their entire lives without either being a victim of crime or knowing anyone else who has tend to be more sensitive. For someone who spent their youth in Capetown, Kabul or even the South Side of Chicago, places like Kabukicho and Geylang might seem like something out of a utopian novel.
Although I have explored around every naughty area I could find no one has ever even attempted to scam or scheme me in my countless visits to Tokyo. Even things that people in some areas find harmless or “a part of life” like Manila taxi drivers refusing to run the meter and instead making up their own prices is totally absent. I have seen reports online of people being ripped off in Japan’s capital city but until recently it all seemed pretty distant.
Not long ago a Japanese acquaintance who just moved back home after an extensive period in the United States told me he was taken for a ride at a Tokyo sex shop. And not in a good way. Although he is obviously a native speaker of the language he ended up with a terrible experience and a bill much higher than he expected. His younger age and lack of experience may have contributed to the events but that is no excuse for shady business practices. Even though the Japanese guy in question has no idea that I write for this website I decided to investigate the place he had such an issue with.
Club Kunoichi is something like an involved pinsaro in the Ueno section of Tokyo. Located in an area with many other adult shops around, Kunoichi stations a tout in the street to convince passersby to enter. The touts makes all sorts of promises that are often broken. The shop itself is rather large and has a ninja theme in keeping with its name.
A display board just inside the curtain that serves as an outer door displays pictures of the same kind of attractive women that are seen on the shop’s website. At least some of these women do seem to exist but they are either reserved for regular customers or so busy that they must be nominated to be seen by customers. Of course that is not known until the initial money is already shelled out. There are many options but an average one forty minute session costs 6000 Yen ($50 USD).
Once customers agree pay the upfront fee they are led to a small room inside which is blocked from the rest of the shop with a curtain. There are magazines spread out for customers to read an a glass of clear liquor is provided free of charge. It wouldn’t surprise me if the booze was a calculated move to make punters more susceptible to being talked out their money soon after.
After spending time in the waiting room watching high heels scurry back and forth until the curtain customers are taken to one of several booths. These booths are similar to those in any Japanese blowjob bar but there are curtains that go around them to give some privacy. Curtains aren’t usually seen in Tokyo blowjob bars. The reason often given for this is that they would allow service providers to have full sex with clients which is against the rules and supposedly the law.
Next the customer is greeted in the booth by their assigned service provider. For foreigners and the uninitiated at least there is a good chance this woman will be in her late 40’s or 50’s and looking nothing like any of the women in the shop’s pictures. A cute or young style of dress doesn’t hide this. Nor does the dark lighting. Surprisingly some of these elder statesmen of suck shops can speak English better than almost anyone else in the local industry.
The provider may be coy at first and ask if the customer wants a massage. This time is used to ask for additional services. It is also a time to ask for a lady drink which costs 1000 Yen ($8.25 USD). Any of this can be politely refused but it is easy to see how some people could be pressured into accepting. Although the customers pay to enter they will be asked if they want a “special massage” which comes in various price increments. All sorts of odd extras are also available.
Those who go all in and take up everything offered end up with poor service in any event. The “middle” level of special service appears to be a few minutes of unskilled oral provided through a thick condom while the provider inserts a vibrator into the client’s backside. This runs an additional 2500 Yen. There is a “top” level of service available for more though its anyone’s guess what that involves. For me even gathering intelligence on the place was a painful experience. Although I don’t like to be too negative about any service provider I think it’s fair to make an honest assessment in a place that pushes people into departing from more money than they bargained for. Simply put many men wouldn’t have sexual relations with some of the women assigned to them in this place even if it came with a cash reward.
In my view the only redeemable feature of this place lies in the humor value of its location next to several family dining establishments. Surely the people eating their noodles have no idea that some grandma is pegging a twenty year old client in exchange for extra money next door. I give Club Kunoichi a half-star and that’s only because the system this website uses can’t go any lower.
Club Kunoichi. Open seven days a week 2pm until after midnight. 110-0005 Ueno, Taito-ku, Tokyo 2-2-5. Phone: 03-3836-1605. Website: http://uenokunoiti.com Map on website.