Review: Analisa Massage — Bangkok, Thailand

Analisa Massage BangkokToday I’ll be reviewing yet another Bangkok oily massage parlor to make way for upcoming reports and reviews from new and exciting locations. Those who don’t like it will just have to deal with it or wait for two more days for a review on a massage shop in Tokyo. I imagine most readers will be quite happy to see yet another installment from me and I have traffic statistics to back me up. I announced my mission to review every massage parlor in Bangkok some time ago. With this review I am coming a little closer to fulfilling that dream.

Analisa Massage parlor is a little massage parlor that’s a little more out of the way than some others but still easy to find and quite accessible. The parlor is located in the middle of the sixth small alley off to the left of Sukhumvit Soi 22. They do have an interactive google map on their website for anyone unable to follow simple written directions.

Analisa is not exactly a standard oily massage parlor. What I mean by that is that all of the standard options are not available. In most Bangkok oilies full service is the name of the game. As far as I can tell that’s not available at Analisa but a full range of other exotic services are. One of those services is prostate massage and I have a deep suspicion that the name of the shop is in fact a play on that. Just look at it. Anal is a Massage. Then again I’m not the kind of guy who looks for secret messages in his alphabet soup or plays records backwards trying to hear subliminal commands from Satan so maybe someone with the unfortunate name of Analisa was the inspiration.

Beyond prostate massage which is probably a lot like the thumb plumb done at Akane Chidlom the shop also offers prostate massage by equipments (probably a soft rubber implement), body to body oil massage, four hand massage, oil massage delivered by foot, testicle massage, tantric massage and “kinky massage” (whatever that is).

Prices start at a standard 500 baht ($16 USD) for a regular oil massage and go up to 2,500 baht ($76) for an hour of tantric massage. Other services fall somewhere between the two extremes. Of course the women also require a tip to perform their services. The standard 500 baht covers hand service though I must admit that even I don’t really know what the proper tip is for an hour of pegging by plastic pecker.

While I’m sure there are plenty of people interested in all the different options, which certainly must fill a niche, I can only speak about the shop, the staff and the standard massages. That’s not to say that I’m not intrigued by at least some of what’s on offer it’s just that I can’t do much reviewing of things I have little knowledge or experience with.

The Analisa shop is small but clean. Well maybe it’s not that small, but the lobby is quite tiny. It’s a little room right inside the glass doors where customers make a choice of service while staring at the small street in front of them. Not long ago I heard that the shop was expanding to include the building next door but I’m not sure whether or not this has actually happened.

After choosing a service customers are usually led upstairs to the large bathroom where they can shower off. Customers are usually assigned the lady “next in line” unless they specifically ask that they be allowed to chose a lady or two themselves. The mamasan at Analisa is helpful and kind to customers but she’s not always in the shop. When she isn’t a younger cashier who is attractive and nice but little help otherwise takes her place.

The women who work at Analisa Massage are for the most part pretty attractive. There are pictures of some of the women on the website but there are others who are not pictured. The pictures that do exist are very accurate. There’s no skin whitening or photoshop airbrushing that I can tell. Ann looks the same in person as she does in the pictures of her on the site as do Nana and Soday. It’s tough to know exactly how many women work there as new gals can be seen coming in and out all the time when one sits in the little lobby setting up a session.

Sessions are performed in rooms that are large and clean enough to fit the bill. There’s nothing necessarily special about the quarters but there’s nothing negative that stands out about them either. The women who work at Analisa always seem to at least try to deliver a “real massage” before they perform any extra services though its debatable whether or not they are any good at it. Certainly the time they spend delivering the rub down is more than what customers get at most wham-bam oilies but they can’t compare with a place like Thonglor 2 when it comes to massage.

The extras themselves are about what one could expect, at least in regards to the regular stuff. Again I can’t speak to some of the more exotic services. If I ever do gather more info I’ll be sure to report it here but for now all I can say is that those who shell out for a “happy massage” will most likely leave the place happy.

The service providers at Analisa are a warm and happy bunch who like to have fun. At the same time they can be shy and even demure in certain situations. People change from day to day and in interactions with different people. The phrase your mileage may vary has been repeated on this site and the internet at large countless times for exactly that reason.

As a regular massage parlor Analisa is just about average. Since the women that work there are so nice it deserves a slightly higher score. If I was keen on some of the other services on other this might be the place to scratch my itch. In that cause it could deserve four stars or more. As it stands I am giving it three-and-a-half stars and I think that’s fair.

Analisa Massage, 261/5 Sukhumvit Soi 22, Bangkok, Thailand. Open seven days a week from 10:00 am – 1:00 am. Phone: (+66)870-101-380. Website: http://www.analisamassage.com

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